No Hannah? No Way!

What if Hannah were never born?

I've joined a yahoogroup consisting of other people struggling with Dandy-Walker malformations of the brain. Some members are high-functioning adults with Dandy-Walker. They give me hope for Hannah. Others are parents of infants/toddlers/adolescents/every-conceivable-age-child with varying degrees of Dandy-Walker. The members who move me most, though, are those who have just been told their unborn child has a Dandy-Walker defect. Often their doctors recommend abortion.

I am fundamentally opposed to abortion and never would have considered it had I been told Hannah had Dandy-Walker in utero. However, I'm enough of a realist to believe that abortion will exist until the end of time, whether legal or not. According to several posts in my yahoogroup, these same doctors who have recommended aborting Dandy-Walker children have also had to admit that their diagnosis was wrong or greatly exaggerated. Yikes.

Doctors are human beings, just like you and I. Highly educated human beings to be sure, but still fallable human beings. They may have statistical information, years of practice and experience with ungodly amounts of book knowledge, but they do not have a crystal ball. They do not know the future and they cannot predict a miracle.

Most of all, they cannot measure the human spirit.

When I found out I was pregnant with Hannah--and this was WITHOUT knowing she would have Dandy-Walker--I bawled my eyes out. I don't cry easily. I could not imagine handling another child with the limitations I already had. But, as moms do, I grew into the idea and actually looked forward to Hannah's birth. She turned out to be an easy infant and a complete joy.

About two months into her life we discovered the Dandy-Walker. Upon receiving the information from her pediatrician, my first instinct was to call my husband and my mother. However, I waited. I knew that my reaction, whether calm, frightened or frenzied, would influence everyone else's reaction. I called people only after I had calmed down and decided I could and would handle this...hopefully "with the grace of a woman, and not the grief of a child" as an old poem goes.

I've learned that the human spirit is given the strength needed to handle any given situation...right when it is needed and rarely before. If I decide I can or can't handle something difficult based on the strength I have today, I probably can't handle it. But if I plow forward and trust (assuming this is something I am called to do), an unanticipated Strength materializes.

Back to my original question: What if Hannah were never born? What if someone had convinced me prior to her birth that she would be too much trouble, that she wouldn't have a "normal" quality of life and therefore should have no life? I'm at a loss for words. Prior to her birth, I would have never chosen this life. Now I would have it no other way...well...maybe a few less meltdowns...and frankly I wish she was potty trained. But no Hannah? No way!