COOL

I used to think I was cool. I recall a pre-teen picture of myself (definitely pre-digital days, or I would post it). At my request Mom took the picture with our polaroid because I had spent hours getting my big hair just so. In those same days I shopped for hours to find "jammin'" clothes (probably involving parachute pants), wore HUGE plastic-framed glasses, ran regularly to keep my extra ten pounds from becoming twenty or thirty, learned all the lingo (like, I just wanted to be totally awesome, dude! Fer sure!) To all that I say: Gag me with a spoon. Alright, enough of that.

I started losing my cool around Katie's birth...in more ways than one. Sleep deprivation caused me to "lose my cool" frequently. But I also lacked time and lost interest in "being" cool. I replaced interest in my own clothes with finding the right clothes for Katie, and I didn't spend much time shopping for hers. Around that time the arthritis wreaked havoc with my feet so that I replaced my footwear fashion aspirations with more sensible ones. Running? Ha! I used to walk, but now I no longer even do that.

Most moms know what it means to completely lose herself while caring for her children, in spite of the constant cautions to the contrary. I've been told in the past "Go out! Have fun! I've got it covered here." However, what I came home to did not fit my definition of "covered," and I found it easier to stay home than to face that. (I once returned to find a deer carcass in my kitchen trash complete with hundreds of buzzing flies, my home destroyed & my children...well...can you say sugar buzz. We've come a LONG way at the Solomon house).

Because we have come a long way at the Solomon house, I have no excuses. Actually, I never had a legitimate excuse to not take care of myself...but I thought I did.

This whole "cool" thought process was triggered by two people. First Megan (http://isabellagudde.blogspot.com/) jokingly commented in my last post that she was not "cool" enough to sit with the kindergarten. (Hi Megan! That made me laugh out loud!) The inference that I might be cool enough for anything given my cane, my pronounced limp & dorky shoes caught me completely off guard. Of course, I know that wasn't Megan's point, but that's where my warped mind went.

Second, after reading Sheri's last blog entry (http://crazybutlovinit.blogspot.com/), I realized I had stopped caring about how I look...or even feel for that matter. It hasn't deep-down occured to me to take the steps Sheri has taken in a long time. Sometimes I just feel like "what's the use?" I can give you all kinds of reasons NOT to bother: No matter how well I take care of myself, I still won't feel great; I'll never lose these fat cells, only shrink them; today I purchased make-up--not so that I would look good, but so that I wouldn't look so bad; I soooo enjoy caffeine and sugar, especially when combined...need I go on??? Break out the violins!

Excuses, excuses, excuses. The fact is I'll never be "cool" again. Do I even want to??? I probably never was. I can be healthy again. At least healthier. I take very good care of my girls' health by feeding them healthy foods, making sure they get enough sleep, limiting the junk foods and drinks. Sadly, though, as adults they probably won't take care of themselves as I have taken care of them. They will take care of themselves as I have taken care of ME. They are amazing little mirrors.

This week I'm going to start an exercise regimen, even if it only consists of range-of-motion exercises that increase my flexibility. I'll start taking my vitamin shakes daily again. Though I'm not going to give up coffee just yet, I will begin eating my fruits and vegetables again. This one's for my girls. Hopefully that will someday metamorphose into being for me, because that's the kind of woman I want my girls to become. But for now I'll do it for them.

Whew! It's past 10 o'clock! That's way past this UN-cool, aging woman's bedtime, especially if I'm going to do all I've said I'm going to do!